Author Archives: Alphonsine

The Covenant of Love!

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“For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54: 10

I absolutely adore these words and forever thank God for His unending love and amazing grace. In fact, the whole chapter 54 of the book of Isaiah is filled with God’s outstanding promises to His people. As some may think, God is not a burning fire or an angry dictator who records our wrongdoing that we have to work hard to gain his trust, mercy and approval!! In contrary, He is absolutely a tender Father, a matchless friend, Redeemer, Healer, Defender, Lord Almighty, the God of Love.

It’s no secret that I deeply love my three siblings that I call my children.  If you have visited this page more than once, I am sure you have met them through the pages of my articles. I often write about just their amazing lives that have changed mine forever, but today specifically I wanted to share what my little sister told me a while back when I shared with her yet another healing miracle in my life.

Sharing God's Wonders

Sharing about God’s Wonders to His people. June 2014

After being diagnosed with an illness that puzzled my doctors a while back, I surrendered my life to God and believed that everything happens for a reason. Because I was devastated beyond imagination, I shared this with only one friend who prayed unceasingly with me, and left it to God. Three years later, the final test results showed that doctors have been somehow wrong all along, that I have been misdiagnosed.

To say that I rejoiced to the news is simply an understatement! The rest of my life is not just long enough to live for and praise God Who has not only redeemed my heart and soul, but also cares about every detail of my body and well being.

After the test results, I could no longer keep it to myself. As I shared the best news ever with my little sister who knew nothing about this along with the rest of my siblings, she broke into tears and said to me:

“As I pray everyday, I call out to the GOD of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Jesus and Alphonsine”.

Then it was my turn to weep, that someone, especially my little sister would look up to the God she has seen manifesting in my life, and put my name on an incredible list like this. THERE IS NO GREATER HONOR in this life! I often ponder on that ever since, especially when I feel down. She may have forgotten this, but it’s eternally knitted to my heart.

If you know me personally and don’t know that I have been obsessed with the song God I look to you for couple of years now, you still don’t know me well :).  If you see me with headsets listening to music, feel free to joke about it. Who listens to the same song over and over again for years??

So, as Jenn Johnson sings: “Hallelujah OUR God reigns, ….”, I tag along, ignoring my vocal cords that cannot simply put notes together even if my life depended on it and echo: “Hallelujah MY GOD (or Father or DAD) reigns, forever all my days Hallelujah”.

As I lift my hands up high in worship, I don’t care what people around me may think, if they do. I give the highest praises not just to the God in the Bible or a Pastor or someone else told me about. I humble myself and bow to the King of kings who calls me an oak of righteousness, a planting for His glory, He who bestows the crown of beauty for ashes, MY GOD and KING!

Re-posting one of my articles below:

Many many years apart. It looks like I haven't changed much!

1996 & 2013. Have I changed much?

I hope that you learn: to trust God on your own, enough to not doubt Him when someone who led you to Christ messes up or lets you down. To know God on your own that your happiness doesn’t revolve around what other people say or think about you. To completely depend on Him that when your church or fellow believers don’t turn out to be what they claim to be, you don’t become a victim. 
To trust God enough to know that when everything else falls apart, that His covenant of love and peace shall remain. To comprehend that there is a High Priest in Heaven whose name is love and has made an end to our shame, and that your name is engraved on his heart.
The song of every heart, the hope of every nation: God Who created the heavens and earth and everything in it, is My God, Father and Friend, all my days!

May you learn to trust Him on your own and be confident enough to call Him YOUR God and Father. Without further ado, head over to This Is Hope: God Is REAL. I hope and pray that you will be encouraged by the God who has simply captured my heart and won my attention, all my life!

Very Honored. Thank you!

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I am very very touched and thankful to The Roofs of Kathmandu, for nominating me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.  I’m not good at writing or blogging by any means; therefore, I am especially grateful that my posts would be recognized as inspiring!

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As per the rules of this award, I have to share 7 things about myself. So here it goes:

1. I am a female engineer and absolutely love the reset button that can reset devices to factory default on network devices. I sometime wish there was an easy quick reset button in the human body system 😀

2. I have no clue what to say to strangers I just met. I would rather sit quietly and make people around me wonder if I speak/understand English.

3. While most women I know enjoy a shopping spree, this one is not my hobby.

4. Some people think that I am funny but I am not sure where they get that from. On one occasion, I shared a soccer game joke to an audience of about 50 people and only 5 got it!

5. I don’t understand sarcasm at all and most of the time I don’t get jokes around here. Perhaps I need more time?

6. I have no talent whatsoever, nothing comes easily to me. In case you are wondering, I’m not good at writing either. I make things up as I go!

7. I absolutely can’t stand pages and pages of instructions. It’s definitely one of my pet peeves. I would rather dive into the process and skim through a few pages when I get stuck! Or eventually end up reading the whole thing because my few pages don’t add up :(. Why doesn’t every topic have only one page of instructions anyway???

The next thing that I’m asked to do to successfully accept this award, is to nominate 15 other amazing bloggers. However, I haven’t had a chance to find many bloggers to follow. So here is my list:

1. The Roofs of Kathmandu

2. 26 Letters – Countless Stories

3. Relationship Over Religion

4. 500 dresses

5. Your World View Defines You

6. Assertive Servants 

To participate, you must…

1. Thank and link to the amazing person who nominated you.
2. List the rules and display the award.
3. Share seven things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 other amazing blogs and comment on their posts to let them know they have been nominated.
5. If you like, proudly display the award logo on your blog and follow the blogger who nominated you.

If you’d rather not participate, that’s OK too. Just know you’re appreciated.

A Poem: I’m Not Asking!

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“Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, “Who is the Lord?” or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God.” Proverbs 30: 8-9

 

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GOD, I am not asking for silver or gold;

Lest I become wealthy and forget your statutes and precepts.

Give me enough to share with those in need!

I am not asking for a supernatural intelligence;

I may be led to believe that I am above everyone;

I’m desperate for your wisdom to discern between right and wrong.

LORD, I am not asking to become a celebrity;

I may think that it’s my fame that works things.

Let the whole world know what You have done in me.

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Dear GOD, I don’t want to be perfect;

I may boast.

I am craving for your humility, patience and guidance.

GOD, I am not asking that things go my way;

I may think that I am leading.

May your will be done every day.

Father GOD, I am not asking you to raise me above the world;

I may think that I rule.

Capture my heart and dwell in it richly!

Is it Always Possible to Forgive? This is how I understand it!

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This year, I have especially had a great privilege to speak and share my experience through the genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda (1994) and its aftermath to much younger audiences: middle school, high school and college students. I have been amazed by their curious and honest minds.

At Phillips Middle School in Chapel Hill, NC, I had an opportunity to speak to the 7th grade group, about 100 of them. I have never felt so comfortable to talk about my life story to younger people than this time. When I mentioned that I was their age at the time, they were appalled. Needless to say, I believe that it made the talk easier as we tried to related to each other in terms of age.

Prior to the speech, their teacher briefed them about the genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda and my life experience. Their response: “it’s impossible to forgive someone who has committed genocide crimes.“ Later after the speech, some of them came to talk to me. I was very touched.

After speaking at Philips Middle School

@ Phillips Middle School, Feb 2014

One high school I spoke at, Trinity Academy of Raleigh, NC, students (9th-12th grade) have had a chance to read my story ahead of the talk; they posted more than a hundred questions prior to my session. All of their questions were very interesting but I’d like to share a few:

  • Do you believe, in this circumstance, that forgiveness is an intelligent decision?
  • How do you help others learn to forgive? 
  • Just wondering, but Jesus said forgive 70 x 7 times and then that again, is that number larger enough to accommodate for the amount of deaths?
  • What has been your greatest struggle since your trials in 1994?
  • How do you keep your strength in forgiving your enemies? I understand God gives you strength but the event of your family being killed is still a hard thing to coup with.
  • How are you able to cope with talking about this horrible event over and over and not react to it in a negative way? But be able to find the good in the situation?
  • Is this similar to what is happening in Syria right now? A civil war containing of family and neighbors and friends fighting each other? 

I was fascinated by how much they were able to quickly grasp before I even had a chance to speak to their class. I do NOT claim to have answers to the above questions nor am I an expert in forgiveness. I am only sharing my life experience and what my eyes have seen.

This post is not intended to teach about forgiving genocide crimes, or forgiveness in general. This is my own story and experience, so please bear with me if you have different beliefs or opinion!

There is no question about this! The 1994 genocide against the Tutsi has snatched the most precious part of my life: my incredible parents and two of my siblings, innumerable friends, neighbors, classmates. Undeniably, my peaceful world has been forever twisted and eternally shattered. The tragedy left me with deep wounds, permanent scars, unwanted injuries. I still tremble with great fear as I try to comprehend the cruelty, people who became ferocious animals, the stories of how my loved ones were shamed to death.

Speaking to Salem College Student about Forgiveness

@ Salem College, Winston-Salem, NC. Feb 2014

For a long time, I wanted to utterly blot out my past, and pretend as if the horror was simply a nightmare. I silently wished that the month of April would be completely removed from the Gregorian calendar. For many years, I didn’t believe that something good can ever happen to me in April. April in Kinyarwanda “Mata“ means “milk” to perhaps trace back to the country that was once referred to as “flowing milk and honey.”  

On the contrary, in Mata 1994, streams of innocent blood rushed down the hills, rested in the plains. Corpses swelled rivers, mass graves, an effort to conceal crime scenes, devoured innocent souls. Sorrow filled highs and lows of Rwanda, weeping voices rang across the country of a thousand hills. It is when terror engulfed Rwanda, to introduce for the first time, longer daylights but shorter nights to reveal and expose unsafe hidings for those who run for their lives without an understanding to why they were being hunted to be hacked to death.

In that Mata, the soil of Rwanda opened to swallow the blood of innocent, amazing people who meant the world to me, without an explanation! Daily nightmares to keep reliving what exactly happened would soon follow, to awake me gasping for air, wondering if it’s Mata all over again. Those terrifying nights lasted for years before I could have a normal dream to calm my soul.

Nevertheless, I wholeheartedly forgave those who caused this misery, from the heart. The truth is though, an attempt to explain what it takes to move on past the genocide crimes, hatred, injustice beyond comprehension is impossible and an understatement! But this is why I did it. NO, scratch that please! This is what Jesus Has done in me:

  •  The 1994 genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda has done irreversible damage in my life

Four members of my family were killed, not because of a crime they committed. Their death sentence was their physical appearance, something they weren’t given a chance to bargain with God on their birth. With that said, there is nothing in this life that can ever be done to bring them back.

Not even if I was given the righteous power to kill everyone who is responsible and get rid of anyone who doesn’t wish me well. Howbeit, there is someone who leads the world with Justice and He sees everything. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:9

So, when I feel anger and hatred crouching at the door of my heart, I remember Romans 12:20: “To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” It is written and true! The greatest vengeance you could ever do to someone who has wronged you is to forgive them.

Speaking at the Summit Church

@ The Summit Church, Durham, NC. November 2013

  • My parents and two siblings are in heaven with God

Absolutely! It’s beyond the shadow of doubt! Their tears are no more, their pains have ceased to occur. They are no longer being tortured or grieving. Their journey on this earth may have ended sooner, but their life with Jesus will never have an end. I patiently wait for the day I will see them again, in a life that knows no sorrow or a broken heart. I miss them with a deep sorrow!

With that said, it is written in Hebrews 12:14: “Strive for peace with everyone and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord”. For all it’s worth, I crave for holiness because I long to see GOD who has my parents and two siblings with Him. Holiness includes forgiveness on my part, not only to those who made me an orphan, but also to everyone who has hurt me from small to great things.

  • Forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one who is forgiven

Besides the word of God, scientifically proven, when you love someone or people, you think about them all the the time and wish them well. The same way, when you have been wronged, each time that your wounded heart is reminded of the injustice that has been done to you or your loved one, unintentionally or aware, you react. The signs can be rage, frustration, nightmares, headaches, lack of trust, sleep disorders, depression, shyness, resentment and many more.

“Studies from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found forgiveness to be associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. A later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in negative affect (depressive symptoms), strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief one finds through forgiveness all have a significant impact on overall health.”

Personally, I want to occupy my mind with treasured memories of hope. The wonders of God in my life overwhelm me with gratitude and humility. He held my hand and reminded me that I was not alone through trials and tribulations when no one else comforted me. My God and I are forever undefeated!!

As for those who have hurt me, their bad intentions have no room in my records. As I extend forgiveness to them, whether they ask for it or not,  I feel free. As I forgive, my heart feels lighter as if a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulder!

Speaking at the PKN Raleigh

@ PKN Raleigh, NC. May 2013

  • I make mistakes, too!

“I’m a sinner, FIRST, sinned against SECOND.” ~ The Summit Church

I have to remind this to myself all the time. Just like Jesus said that the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. I often find myself doing or wishing things that I wouldn’t normally want or do in my right mind, because of my sinful heart’s desire. When that happens, I am like, seriously? How did I possibly bring myself to think of this or do that etc.

Romans 3:23 goes like this: “for all have sinned and fell short of the glory of God”.

I don’t see where it says only those who shed blood. Everyone, including victims, we all need Jesus. So if we’re all in the same boat, how am I better to judge others and decide their fate?

In Mathew 18:21-35, Jesus tells us the Parable of an Unforgiving Servant after Peter asked him how many times he should forgive a brother who sins against him. The king had a servant who owed him 14 billion US dollars; since he couldn’t pay back, the king ordered him and his family to be sold until they could pay it off. Then the servant fell on his knees begging the king to give him time to pay everything off. Out of pity, the king forgave him the debt.

As soon as this very servant left, he encountered a fellow servant who owed him $2,000. He started choking him asking to pay it all, and when his debtor couldn’t pay, he put him in prison. As the story goes on, the master found out what the first servant did. Out of anger, the master put him in jail until he could pay off all his debt.

Honestly, if my past, present and future sins were converted in any type of currency, I’d be imprisoned for the rest of my life. They are too many to number, for sure. Because I’ve been forgiven too, I don’t want to be like this unforgiving servant. My only part in this all, is to forgive, even when those who have wronged me don’t deserve it or ask for it.

  • Everyone will be held accountable for their acts, someday!

This life has an end, no doubt about this one! One day, we will all stand before God, whether you believe in Him or not, and our work in this life will be measured and tried. Hebrews 4:13 states that: “And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account”. God knows it all, and His judgement is beyond ACCURATE!

Our life example has been set on the cross where Jesus died in shame to reconcile the world to God. He is the finest example of what it is to forgive even when it hurts so much.

“Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed” Isaiah 53: 4-5

 “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12: 19

Sins may carry different weights, but I am not the one to determine who has committed unforgivable ones. GOD sees it all, and He is the right Judge. Who am I to replace Him on that seat? I’m not skilled to thoroughly understand God’s ways, nor I’m qualified to question what He’s doing.

This is very assuring to me more than anything, and knowing that He will avenge on my enemies, I want to learn how to truly forgive, and leave the rest to God’s wrath. This is my understanding on forgiveness!

 “You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.” – Lewis B. Smedes.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” ~ Catherine Ponder

“No one has the power to shatter your dreams, unless you give it to them.” ~ M. Greyson

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As a little girl, I was my dad’s princess. In my eyes, he was the strongest man alive. His unwavering belief in me made me feel safe, confident, and capable of becoming anything I dreamed.

In third grade, my teacher unexpectedly asked me to lead the class for three days while she was away. Without hesitation, I agreed. I had always grasped my schoolwork easily and enjoyed helping my classmates, so stepping into that role felt natural—even exciting.

Word eventually reached my dad that his daughter had become the “teacher” that week. His response was simple but powerful: “If she has something to offer others, I don’t see why she shouldn’t do it.”

He never doubted me. His pride was always evident, even in the smallest moments. Because of him, I learned to believe in myself and to dream big. His encouragement shaped the woman I would become.

From Google images
Google images

After losing my parents in the Rwandan Genocide against the Tutsi, my entire world shifted. Overnight, I went from being a cherished daughter to feeling invisible and unwanted. I was no longer seen as a bright young girl with dreams—I became someone my own relatives didn’t seem to want, a reality I still struggle to understand.

One aunt told me bluntly that I had no future and would never accomplish anything. A respected religious figure at my high school once said, “You’re an orphan—that’s limiting.” Another time, I heard the painful generalization: “Orphans grasp from the crowd; they don’t need to be told things.”

Those words cut deep. Leaving that religious environment, I came dangerously close to walking away from my faith entirely because of one false preacher’s influence.

During high school and college, I had no one to encourage me to stay in school, no one to celebrate my achievements, and no voice whispering that things would eventually be okay. But Jesus did.

Maybe you’ve been told similar things—perhaps by a family member, a teacher, or someone you trusted. Maybe you’ve been made to feel inadequate, ashamed of your past, or destined to fail. You may have faced ridicule for being different—how you looked, spoke, or believed. And perhaps, like me, you began to wonder if you were truly capable of anything meaningful.

Google images
Google images

Here’s some good news: no matter how painful your past has been, it’s not too late to dream again. Today is a new beginning. What others have said about you—whether people or the enemy—does not define your future. God’s plans are not dictated by negativity; His purpose is to prosper you, not to harm you.

Don’t let past failures or missed opportunities hold you back. Use them as stepping stones toward a hopeful future. If you’ve been praying or waiting for something, keep going—God hears you. While you wait, keep praying, loving, working hard, dreaming, and believing.

Life may bring challenges, delays, or setbacks—yes, the enemy is always looking to steal our hope. But our God is stronger. If one door closes, knock on the next. Keep climbing. Keep moving forward.

Don’t give up. Even slow progress is better than giving up on your dream. Great things happen to those who keep going. Look around—others have made it, and so can you.

But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

In A Garden of Fame Where Their Treasured Memories Grow Fonder: Two Decades Later!

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***

It’s hard to believe it’s been twenty years since you left us. The world simply hasn’t been the same without your presence — your beauty, your love, your light.

It still feels like yesterday,
when life was whole — a joyful family of eight, wrapped in your love and safety.

The pain of your absence never fades.
Not a day goes by without thoughts of you.
Though you’re no longer with us in body,
your memory lives — richly, eternally — in our hearts.

I believe God loved you so deeply that He called all four of you to His side.
But if I could ask Him for just one impossible gift,
it would be this:

To give me wings.
To soar to where you are.
To hold you tight,
to say “I love you,”
and never let go.

Until that eternal day, I remain under the shelter of God’s wings.
One day, death will lose its power, our tears will be wiped away,
and our hearts will be whole again — forever.

A Treasured Garden of Fame!

***

My dearest little sister, Marie Claudine “Magnifique” — you were an angel in life, and you left this world like one

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It still breaks my heart to know you were among the very first taken
in our village when the Genocide against the Tutsi began that Thursday morning.
What could you have possibly done to deserve such cruelty?

I’m grateful I had the chance to say goodbye —
to see you one last time, your arms folded as if in prayer,
even as blood marked the violence that silenced you.
The image haunts me,
but I cling to the truth that God loved you far more than I ever could.

You left this world like an angel,
and I imagine heaven welcomed you with open arms that very morning —
Thursday, April 7th.
I marvel at the celebration held in your honor,
and I smile through tears knowing you were cherished.

One day, you’ll tell me all about it.
And when my time here is complete —
the very life that was spared this same month, twenty years ago —
I’ll catch you up on everything you’ve missed.

Until then,
I’ll carry your memory and love with me… always.
I will love you — forever.

***

Papa, you left too soon, but the confidence you placed in me as a little girl still carries me forward.

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I vividly remember the day you surrendered your final breath — Sunday afternoon, April 17th.
That was the day we overheard the Hutu Interahamwe boasting that they had cut you into three pieces, and that they were hunting for us — Mom and the five children — to finish us all.

How could anyone on this earth harm you?

You may have been tortured in the flesh, but I know your sweet soul is safe with the God you taught us to pray to.
Do you remember how your face lit up whenever I did well in school?
I know you would have been proud to see me finish all the way to graduate school, land my dream job, and build a life in a faraway country that has become my new home.
Can you believe you weren’t here to celebrate with me?

I miss you every day.
But Jesus — my Savior and King — stands in your place and Mom’s.
He comforts me when I am afraid, He cheers when I succeed, and He still loves me when I fail.

Late 1994, I had a dream where I promised you:
That I would love your surviving children as you would have, had you lived.
I am humbled to say that I have kept that promise.
Whatever I have, I have shared with them.
And as long as I have breath, they will never lack for anything.

When Jesus returns in glory, and all the nations stand before Him, I will not be ashamed.
The Holy Spirit Himself is my witness.
And I know you, Mama, Marie Claudine, and Jean Felix will be among the great cloud of witnesses there.

There is so much I want to tell you — but for now, I trust God to fill you in.

I miss you, Papa.
But I am strong because of the foundation you laid, and the God you taught me to worship.
P.S. — Thank you and Mama for giving me the name Alphonsine — “warrior.”
You named me well. You prepared me for the battles ahead.

Rest in heavenly peace, Papa.
I will love you eternally.

***

Dear Mama, when I think back to our final moments together, I’m reminded of how you always stood for the truth — even when it cost you everything.

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As we waited by the mass grave for our death sentence that Sunday afternoon, April 24th, I remember how the blood-shedders asked if you had more children elsewhere, so they could hunt them down too.
You didn’t lie. You stood in truth — ready to walk into God’s heaven.

I remember pleading with the killers — begging them not to harm you before I came back, when they assigned a soldier to escort me — not to protect me, but to make sure I wouldn’t escape — as I went to bring Eric, Alice, and Noella.
Those desperate words were my final conversation with you.
And yet, by a miracle I can never explain, all three of them — and I — survived.

Today, I am their mother.
I love them more than anything in this life, and I do everything I think you and Papa would have done for us.
They — and God — are my witnesses.

Oh, how I wish you could see them now!
They’re all grown, beautiful, and extraordinary.
Eric and Alice will finish their Master’s degrees this year, and Noella, your last born, is completing college.
They are the greatest gifts I have ever received.

And there’s more:
Eric is marrying the love of his life later this year — a woman so incredible you would have adored her too.
God and I will take care of every detail in their wedding.
It breaks my heart that you and Papa won’t be there to see it.

Noella barely remembers your faces, but that’s okay. She has me now.
And as long as I live, she will be cherished, spoiled, and protected — this I promise you and Papa forever.

Mama, did God tell you that He blessed me with another mother here on earth?
She may not look like you, but she loves and nurtures me just as you did — almost as if you had sent her yourself.

I have so many amazing friends now, in a land far from our homeland.
They make me feel loved, and special.
I know you would be so proud.

Even though I only had you for a few short years, your love was pure, fierce, and unforgettable.
I still hear your voice when I am sick, feel your comfort when I am overwhelmed, and remember how you spoiled me with a love that asked for nothing in return.

There’s so much more I want to tell you — but I will save it for when we meet again in heaven.

I will love you forever, Mama.
Always.

***

My dear big brother Jean Felix, I’ll never forget how you stood as my protector at school — tall and strong, making sure no one dared come near

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I’m so sorry that my last memory of you is one of suffering.
I wish I had been stronger — strong enough to stop the Hutu Interahamwe who beat you with sharp wires, while blood poured down your beautiful face.
That moment is burned into my heart.

Whenever I watch The Passion of the Christ, I’m reminded of you.
Just like Jesus, you were brutally beaten though you had done nothing wrong. And when I see His face — broken, bleeding, innocent — I see yours.

But I know, with absolute certainty, that on Sunday afternoon, April 24th, Jesus welcomed you and Mama into His beautiful heaven.
You belonged there far more than in this world of pain and injustice.

Those memories are hard to carry, but they also give me courage.
Knowing you’re no longer suffering brings me comfort and strength to keep going.

I know well that I will see you again — with Mama, Papa, and Magnifique — when I finish the work you all began, and fulfill the mission God entrusted to me.
That’s why He didn’t take me with you that day, okay? He had more for me to do.

Rest in God’s eternal peace.
I miss you every single day.
I will love you, all my days.

***

Jean Eric, Alice, Alphonsine, Mireille Noella

Eric, Alice, Alphonsine, Mireille Noella. 03/10/2014

Dear Loved Ones,

Eric, Alice, Noella, and I — twenty years later — still carry your memory as vividly as ever. Your love continues to water our spirits daily, etched into the pillars of our hearts. You are our heroes, and we hold fast to your words, your example, and your pride.

As we mark this twentieth commemoration of your lives taken too soon, we choose again to forgive those who killed you simply for how you looked, something you never bargained for at birth.

We pray your killers find God and repent, but if not, they will stand before the Redeemer and the Defender of the Fatherless. Justice is His alone. He will repay.

Your legacy lives on in us. We are stronger because of you, and everything we do is to make you proud.
We miss you deeply, but we know that you now dwell in the place where souls like yours belong — in peace, in glory, in heaven.

We will finish what you began.
You are alive in our hearts for as long as we live.
We will love you — forever and always.

A Story of Obedience and A Boy

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I am very honored to have met Kim at a conference in Chicago in June 2012. She is an amazing woman of God. I wanted to share an incredible story of her obedience and involvement in Haiti through Mission to Haiti. I am truly blessed that she is my friend, and I know that you will be encouraged by this post.

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Kim Harms

Kim Harms

“He lives right over there. Do you want me to go get him?”

My heart leapt to my throat as I thought, “Really Lord? Is this for real?”

As I watched the Mission to Haiti employee walk off the mission grounds to find Jean Jacques, I was overwhelmed by this God, who not only provided for me to stand again on Haitian soil, but who loved me so much he would allow me to meet my grown up sponsor child.

Corey and I were working with a team on a short-term mission trip in Haiti. He was putting a roof on a house. I was teaching sewing classes. This trip brought to fruition a long time desire of mine to return to the country, and it was the culmination of walking through a lot of doors God opened for us.

When I obeyed a little tug I felt to start sewing dresses for Haitians a few years ago, I began to see clearly that as I followed God in a little step of obedience, he showed me the next thing he had in store. And this weeklong trip to Haiti was one of those next things.

In his book The 10-Second Rule, Clare DeGraf says that character is shaped less by our big dramatic decisions than by the cumulative impact of thousands of small acts of obedience. Those small acts shape our character and prepare our hearts to accept more bold assignments from God. They are building blocks for a life that God blesses.

This trip to Haiti was a bold assignment. And God chose to go over the top with blessings during that week.

As I stood in the shade of the mission office building waiting for Jean Jacques to walk through the gate, I thought of our first meeting many years ago.

It was 1997. He was an adorable timid face on a sponsor card, and I was a 21-year-old college student worlds away from home. I met little Jean Jacques and his family at his two-room block house with the tin roof and the flowing curtain in the door. From that moment I loved him, and for years I looked forward to the letters and photos I regularly received from him.

Kim and Jean Jacques in 1997

Kim and Jean Jacques, 1997

But now it was 2013. He was 20-something and I hadn’t heard a word about him in 3 years. I wasn’t sure this was really happening until I saw him walk through the gate.

Soon Corey and I were talking with a much-taller-than-me-grown-up Jean Jacques in the shade of the office building. Jean Jacques shared with Corey that everyone calls his father “Papa” and he often does construction work with the short-term Mission to Haiti teams when they visit.

Corey, Jean Jacques & Kim, 2013

Corey, Jean Jacques & Kim, 2013

“Papa?” Corey asked. “The Papa I’ve been working with this week?” I can’t even type those words without tears.

How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us.

Of all the men in the capital city of Port-au-Prince, one of the small handful Haitian guys Corey was working with was the father of the boy we have prayed for and supported since even before we were married.

All this because; one, my father in heaven adores me, and two, when I knew he was asking me to sew, even though my skills are mediocre and my passion for the craft is lacking, I chose to obey.

I don’t always want to do the “next thing” God wants me to do, and I certainly don’t always obey, but I never regret my obedience. Ever.

Maybe God is calling you to a step of obedience. Maybe the “next thing” is right in front of you. Maybe he’s asking you to let go of your fear and trust him. Go ahead. Do the next thing and build those blocks for a life that God blesses.

You won’t regret it. Ever.

If you are interested in more information about 500 Dresses, the ministry that started with sewing a few little sundresses and has blossomed into much more, head on over to our website  at 500 Dresses  or our Facebook page at  500 Dresses. (You don’t have to be a seamstress to be a part of our ministry. You don’t even have to like to sew.)

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Kim Harms runs 500 Dresses out of her home in Huxley, Iowa where she lives with her husband and three sons. She is also a freelance writer and her work has been published in numerous magazines and devotionals including Today’s Christian Woman, Fullfill Magazine and Chicken Soup for the Soul. She can be found online at 500dresses.org and kimharms.net

She Is A Pure Beauty. And A Woman of GOD!

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I am very privileged to know this stunning woman and eternally honored to call her my sister. It may sound silly to say that about your little sister, but if I was asked about someone I know who is wise and rich in knowledge, she would be the first one in my mind. She is so many years younger than I am, but it’s incredible how she is full of wisdom. She always reminds me of our mother Colette; all my Mom’s good qualities got passed onto my little sister. The love she has for God is truly outstanding; she is a prayer warrior, a woman of faith. She inspires me and challenges me at the same time.

Alice is a very good planner and someone who makes everything look normal and organized in our family.  It’s not unusual to hear her friends entrusting their whole wedding plans into her hands and resting assured that everything will be perfect, because Alice is there. Unlike me and the rest of our two siblings, she is very outgoing and gets along with everyone she meets. She makes friends in public transportation, churches, public market, everywhere she goes. I definitely find it impressive because the last thing I would be comfortable doing is to talk to strangers in random places.

She is a very good cook, too, a skill that I certainly don’t have. She makes everyone feel welcome. You may find yourself too comfortable to leave; it happens often with her friends. On the other hand, I am not good at hosting parties or knowing what to prepare when I invite people over. I must admit that I have to think so hard when I have friends over :(. It doesn’t come naturally I guess!

Ladies and gentleman, allow me to introduce to you the most amazing woman on the whole planet, Miss Alice.
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you the most amazing woman on the whole planet, my little sister Alice.

I am not the only one in our house who thinks Alice makes things work; recently we had a conversation about an upcoming big family event, trying to piece things together. Since Alice is currently away in grad school, our youngest sister Mireille said that when she comes back, she will fix this and that. None of us objected to that, we nodded in agreement. She doesn’t even know we volunteered her during her absence.

If there is a new project to be proposed for our family, Alice is somehow always the best one to bring it up, and she does it so amazingly that you can never argue or say no. When something major needs to happen, my little brother Eric and sister Mireille always put her in front and say that it’s her idea. She is very reasonable in what she says and very well articulated. My little sister especially slows me down when I am needlessly in a rush or being unreasonable, and reminds me that I can relax, after all, even parents need to chill sometime.

She is someone I can trust with all my heart; I can always rely on her words of wisdom. They lift me up. She is very creative in so many ways, brilliant and a very hard worker; for example, she initially went to grad school with the expectation to get one Master’s degree. When she arrived there, she decided to double major. She is now expecting two Master’s degrees this year. Alice also gets nominated for leadership roles everywhere she is, always. I often wonder how I am possibly related to my 3 siblings who are all way beyond talented and so beautiful!

There is not a single day that passes by without praising God for putting an incredible little sister in my life. I doubt that our parents ever got to know how amazing and special their little girl is, in only 6 years they had known her. I am glad I am there for them. I treasure everything in my heart and ponder on it often; I cannot wait to tell my parents all about it, in heaven.

Alice is an astonishing young woman, and I am very very honored that she is indeed my sister. She is beautiful inside-out, and I am forever proud of the marvelous woman my beautiful baby has become. I know she will do great things in life, there is no doubt about that; I am equally excited and looking forward to it all with great anticipation and gratitude.

Only God knows how much I love her, her sister and brother; because my love for them came from above!  They are my treasure all my days!

Glory be to you GOD, always!

Making Wise Decisions

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“My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad. My inmost being will exult when your lips speak what is right. Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day. Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.” Proverbs 23: 15-18

Do you ever wonder if the life decision you are about to make is wise or if it is God’s will? Five ways that can help you during the process. By Will Toburen.

1. Have I searched what the Bible has to say about my decision?

2. Does this decision make a good sense?

3. Have I sought the counsel of other believers?

4. Have I committed this decision to prayer?

5. What is my ultimate motivation?

More at God & the rest of the week!

Rising From Ashes: Beyond Broken Memories!

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“Lord, I have treasured your word in my heart, that I may not sin against You”  Psalm 119:11

Growing up in a joyful, loving family with the most devoted parents a child could hope for, nothing could have ever warned me—or prepared me—for the horror that would soon unfold.

For those unfamiliar with my story, I was in 7th grade when Rwanda was plunged into one of the most devastating atrocities of the 20th century: the Genocide against the Tutsi. In just over three months, more than a million Tutsis were brutally killed—including my parents, two of my siblings, relatives, friends, neighbors, and fellow citizens.

9th Grader

Me, sometime between 1995 and 1996

Before the nightmare could end, everything felt surreal—almost beyond comprehension. I was completely alone and abandoned. The first person to offer me shelter was my uncle’s wife, whom we encountered in a refugee camp in the heart of the capital during an evacuation.

After the genocide against the Tutsi ended, I had no idea that what awaited me was not refuge, but exploitation. My aunt had effectively found a nanny for her two young children.

Months later, unaware that I had survived, my mother’s youngest sister, Beata, saw me on my way home from school. Upon learning of my living conditions, she quietly took me into her home. Beata worked for the government, and her husband held a position with the United Nations—on the surface, a promising new beginning. But what I hoped would be a place of healing quickly turned into yet another chapter of hardship.

Despite their resources, my basic needs were neglected. I was denied essentials like sanitary pads, and only received clothing and shoes when Beata no longer had use for them—after she had indulged herself in expensive outfits. Behind the walls of their mansion, I endured relentless emotional abuse. I wasn’t treated like family—I was treated like a burden.

As I tried to adapt and remain grateful for a roof over my head, the atmosphere grew increasingly hostile. Beata, perhaps threatened by my presence as I came of age, became controlling and cold. I was no longer allowed to eat with the family or speak freely. Even the few clothes I owned were closely monitored. Eventually, I was confined to my room, kept out of sight, and falsely accused of stealing money, all while being tasked with carrying heavy groceries alone—despite the family owning a car.

Then, one day, Beata told me to leave. I didn’t know what crime I had committed—only that my presence was no longer tolerated. As I stepped into the unknown, I began a long, painful journey toward healing. For years, I struggled to believe that not all married women were cruel. I entered college while navigating deep darkness, often relying on the kindness of strangers for a place to sleep. I came dangerously close to calling the streets my home—or worse, compromising myself just to survive.

August 2012

Me, August 2012

Despite the unimaginable losses and hardships I endured, I graduated among the top of my class with a Bachelor’s degree in Engineering and secured a full-time job just days before graduation. Three months later, I received a full scholarship to pursue a Master’s degree in Engineering in the United States. In time, I was offered my dream job.

By God’s grace, I was also able to support my three younger siblings—Eric, Alice, and Mireille—through school. All of them, who were under 10 during the genocide against the Tutsi, were on track to complete their university degrees by 2014.

I owe every blessing in my life to God, the Father to the fatherless, who never left my side—even in the darkest moments. He sustained me, lifted me, and gave me the strength to forgive and move forward.

I am deeply thankful for:

  • His unconditional love and grace that empowered me to forgive those who hurt me, including those who took my family and those who failed me when I needed them most.
  • My siblings, who are my greatest joy and lifelong responsibility. They are my sunshine and purpose.
  • A new home in a faraway land, where love and healing replaced fear and loneliness. I am forever grateful to my adoptive parents, whose words—“You will always have a home here”—are etched in my heart.
  • A fulfilling career and a company I love working for.
  • The Summit Church family, where my faith continues to grow.
  • Friends who have walked this journey with me—across continents and cultures—filling my life with encouragement and joy.
  • Opportunities to speak and share my testimony, and to be featured in blogs and journals by amazing women like Kimberly Kaye Harms and Felicia Alvarez.
  • Pastor J.D. Greear and his family, whose love, support, and hospitality have been a blessing beyond words.
  • Andy Rogers of RBC/Discovery House Publishers, who is working to include part of my story in Our Daily Bread.

Looking back, I am in awe of how far I’ve come. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know Who holds it. My heart is open, and my answer to God remains: “Yes!” May He continue to use me to bring hope to the hurting, the homeless, the orphaned, and the forgotten—because I’ve been there too.

Don’t let past pain define you. Overcome evil with good. As I look ahead to the future with hope and expectation, I pray that 2014 and beyond brings you peace, joy, and purpose.